Post No. 1- "On Cheese"

Arvik has landed.

That's right. I'm finally here, adding my voice to the countless others that make up the blogosphere. Right now I'm just talking into the void, but that's ok.

I can yodel as well.

So, who am I? I'm Arvik, pleased to meet you. Whoa, whoa, you're probably thinking. Who's Arvik? Well... I am. Oh all right, some specifics. I'm a human female on planet Earth (just so you know I'm not up on the International Space Station or anything). I like sci-fi novels, I'm woefully ignorant of sci-fi TV/movies. I like writing. I like classical music.

And I like cheese.

Cheese is the topic of today's introductory post. Cheese is practically universal, and it's much more interesting than other ubiquitous substances. Water? The ocean is pretty awesome, and there's the whole we'd-all-die-without-it angle, but given the choice, which would you choose? Cheese is milk curds that've been worked on by bacteria! In my mind, that definitely trumps some hydrogen-oxygen arrangement.

Alas, it's time for a confession. I know it's early in the game, but I want us all to be open and honest from the beginning. So here it is... I dislike the taste of cheese. I know, I know, I said just above that I like cheese. The relationship I have with this milk-based food product is highly nuanced. On pizza, it's fine. Delicious, even. However, that is the only manner in which I will consume it.

Grilled cheese, string cheese, Cheez Whiz, cheese and crackers, cubes of cheese, cheese on pasta, mac and cheese, cheese blocks, cream cheese, cheeseburgers, cheese platters, cheese in paninis, cheese on toast, Brie, Gouda, Monterey Jack, those really scary processed cheese slices, Cheddar, Marble, Provalone, Blue, Parmesan... None of it works for me. My appreciation of cheese is strictly intellectual. It's a conceptual, rather than gastronomic, love.

I think the reason I like cheese is that it's absurd. And I mean that as in, it could be the breakfast of champions/"go-to" food for absurdist writers and philosophers. As I mentioned, we're eating bacteria-curdled milk here. Plus, consider the textures of cheese. Consider its colours, ranging from palest white to vibrant neon orange. Doesn't it seem just a little unnatural? Even the name is too good to be true. Cheese. Cheeeeeese. Say it out loud.

Cheeeeeeese.

The opening "ch," the long "ee," the hiss that caps it all off... you have to admit, it's an odd, yet bizarrely comforting combination of sounds. It's the kind of sound I can imagine saying into a microphone all day long. Just sitting, perched on a stool, dreamily saying, "Cheeeese."

And yet, for all its inherent absurdity, cheese is everywhere. With the possible exception of bread (love the taste of bread, by the way), it is the ultimate generic food. For all its strangeness, cheese has solidly entrenched itself into cultures around the globe. Doesn't that seem just a little bit odd?

So really, my relationship with cheese is perfectly reasonable. Sure, liking cheese while hating its taste may be ridiculous, but if we're talking about an absurd substance, it seems rather appropriate to me.

Cheers!
Arvik